Family Ministry Moments - December 2023
Recently I was discussing parenting with another father. We lamented that parenting is difficult with children of any age, especially when it comes to discipline. Children need discipline. It must be measured, biblical, and consistent. What happens when our discipline seems like it is failing? Sometimes it seems like nothing we do gets through to our children. Some children can be punished in all kinds of ways, and it doesn’t even phase them. What is a parent to do?
As I said, we must remain consistent. One of the worst things a parent can do when raising children is to become erratic or overly emotional in discipline. Children need to know what is expected, then if they disobey, they must be punished. I am sure that no parent likes punishing their child. It is certainly not something I like to do; however, as a parent that seeks to honor the Lord, I must consistently discipline my children.
We must also commit ourselves to prayer. There is a temptation to make parenting all about behavior modification. We want our children to act right so we focus on their actions rather than their motives. What we should be focusing on is their heart. There are things a parent can do to help direct our child’s heart but ultimately the Lord is the one who changes the heart. That means we must commit ourselves to pray for our children. When you are at the end of your rope, when you don’t know what to do, or when discipline doesn’t seem to work - pray!
When all else fails, we must remember to operate in gospel love. The way God loves us is how we need to love our children. In the Jesus Storybook Bible God’s love is described as “Never-Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love.” This is a fantastic way to define God’s love for us. This is the essence of the gospel. God loves us and refuses to give up on us, that is why He sent Jesus to pay the penalty for sin so that our relationship with Him could be restored. This is the love of our heavenly father. This is the love that parents need to emulate.
I remember a particularly challenging season with one of my children. It seemed like we were always butting heads and discipline didn’t seem to work. At one point I looked at them and told them, “I love you and I’m not going anywhere”. I had to remind them that my love is not based on their behavior. My love for them is unconditional. From time to time our kids need to be reminded that we love them regardless of their behavior. We need to tell them, even though our love is imperfect, we want to love them like God loves us– with a never-stopping, never giving up, unbreaking, always and forever love.
This is what gospel parenting looks like. We go after the heart of our child in the same way that God goes after our heart. Children are in as much need of a savior as we are. They are also in need of discipleship as well. We must remember to teach them the gospel repeatedly! But we cannot force them to follow Jesus. We pray that God would call them to salvation, but even as we are waiting for them to believe in Jesus, we must disciple them. We must teach them to follow Jesus, not just to obey for obedience’s sake. Rather we obey because Jesus loves us, and we love Jesus.
My encouragement to parents is to be patient. Parenting is hard at any stage. I see parents with young children struggle as their babies exhaust them. I see parents of toddlers struggle as these tiny humans exert their sinful will. Older children will struggle with more complex emotions, which makes parenting hard. Teens will struggle as they want to grow up way too fast. All of it is hard, however all of it is joyous. Raising our children is worth it, every struggle is worth it. God doesn’t give up on us and we must not give up on our children. If you feel lost as a parent, turn to the Lord, He will give you what you need.
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1
