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Spare Change - April 2023

The Pattern of Prayer

If you study the patterns of Jesus’ life you will notice one thing.  He spent a significant amount of time in prayer.  The Bible records several instances when Jesus went away by Himself (Matt. 14:23, Luke 5:16, Mark 1:35, Mark 6:46).  This was a normal pattern for Him.  Why would Jesus, of all people, need to spend a lot of time in prayer?  Maybe He
understood something about the power of prayer that we just don’t get.  

In Luke 22:39-46, Jesus takes His disciples to the Mount of Olives to pray. Verse 39 tells us that this was His usual custom.  This meant that Jesus regularly went to the garden to pray.  This fact was so known to His disciples that Judas is able to easily find Jesus when he betrays Him.  How many times did Jesus go to the garden to pour out His heart to His Father? This time, Jesus is grieved beyond what any of us can comprehend.  He knows that He will suffer greatly and die for the sins of mankind.  The fact that Jesus turned to prayer in this season should not be lost on us.  When Jesus is faced with the hardest test of His life, He goes to deep, soul-moving prayer.  He prayed so much, His spirit was so grieved, and He was in such agony that His sweat was like blood dripping from His body.

The fact that Jesus turned to prayer during this time should give an obvious indication of how important prayer is.  Jesus also instructed His disciples to pray so they would not enter into temptation.  What was the temptation of that night? To abandon their faith.  Even though Jesus had warned them that He would be tortured and killed (Matt. 16:21-23), they still did not fully understand what was to happen.  Jesus' main weapon was prayer and that is why He instructed His disciples to be committed to prayer.  During prayer, the disciples ended up falling asleep and when Jesus was arrested, they all abandoned Him except for Peter and John.  Peter ends up denying Jesus three times as He prophesied.  

This all points to the fact that prayer is essential in the life of a believer.  When the disciples were faced with their biggest temptation from Satan himself, what did Jesus tell them to do?  PRAY! Do you have the same emphasis on prayer in your life?  Do you underestimate its power?  I feel like many of us treat prayer like something we say is
important, but we don't really practice it like it's important.  It is one thing to say you value something, however, your actions show what you value.

If prayer is the weapon that Jesus says it is then we need to be committed to it.  Not just with trite promises like, “I’m praying for you,” but with actual prayer.  Why does it feel so awkward for Christians to stop what they are doing to pray about a situation wherever and whenever the need arises?  It should be the normal outpouring of God’s work in our lives to pray for people on the spot.  We should also be committed to daily times of prayer.  We should be persistent in our praying as Jesus told us in Matthew 7:7-11.  Jesus tells us to persistently pray as if someone is knocking at a door repeatedly until someone answers.  Let’s knock on Heaven’s door with our prayers until the Father answers.

Jesus believed that prayer was effective and lived it out in His life.  We should follow His example and make prayer the priority of our Christian faith.  I wonder what a difference it would make in our lives and the lives of those around us if we committed to being people of prayer.  The church needs to remember the words of Jesus in Matthew 21:13, “My house shall be called a house of prayer.”  Our churches, as well as our lives, should be filled with prayer.  Let’s look to Jesus and make prayer the normal pattern in our lives.

Spare Change - March 2023

Fighting Fair: 5 Steps to Resolving Conflict with Your Spouse

Do you fight with your spouse? It might be a small skirmish or an all-out war but at one point or another you will have a dispute with your spouse. Since conflict is inevitable, we need to come to some kind of agreement on how we should address these quarrels. You might be saying, “Hold up, Pastor Bryan! Shouldn’t we be striving to avoid fighting?” Avoiding conflict is not a biblical idea and often leads to resentment over time. Look at what the scriptures says:

So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Matthew 5:23-24

Conflict must be addressed if we are to follow scripture. However, most couples do not fight fair. Instead of having a Christlike mindset, we seek to hurt the other person. We seek to win and conquer our spouse until they relent and recognize that we were right all along. We fight from a place of intense emotion and sometimes manipulation. All of this is a sinful way to resolve conflict. We need to learn to fight fairly! Here are some steps to resolving conflict in a biblical way:

1. Reconciliation is the goal: We must remember that reconciliation is the goal. We should always be seeking to restore the relationship with our spouse. Our model for dealing with conflict is how Jesus Christ has treated us. Instead of letting us stew in our sin and receive our just punishment, He came to seek reconciliation through the cross (Romans 5:10).
2. Be quick to listen and slow to speak: Communication is assumed and you must learn to share your heart with your spouse. One key part of communication is listening. The Bible tells us in James 1:19 to be quick to listen and slow to speak. It has been said that God gave us two ears and one mouth so we can listen twice as much as we talk. You must listen to your spouse and understand where they are coming from before any conflict can be resolved.
3. Watch your words: When you do talk, be careful with how you talk to one another. Remember, once you say something, you cannot take it back. Even if you say sorry, the thing you said is out there. Do not resort to calling names, swearing, or using accusing language. It doesn’t help when you are attacking your spouse with words; you will most certainly regret it later on. According to Ephesians 4:29, we should not let any corrupt talk come from our mouths. Also, we see in James 3 an example of how powerful the tongue is in tearing down or building up.
4. Deal in facts: When we fight emotions can rise quickly. We need to remember that emotions are important, but they can mislead us if we are not careful.  We must deal in the facts and not emotion. Try to talk through the facts of the situation when you fight. Take a break from talking if the emotions get too high. Also sitting down at the same table rather than standing toe to toe helps. According to Ephesians 4:26-27 we can be angry and not sin. The sin happens when our anger produces hatred in our hearts, which usually results in shouting, withdrawal, and resentment. 
5. Run to forgiveness quickly: Forgiveness is the most important part of reconciliation. Once again, we look to Christ as our example. Colossians 3:13 says, “...if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” How can we not forgive our spouse when we have been forgiven so much by our Lord? If you refuse to forgive your spouse, you need to do a heart check. I understand that sins have varying consequences and work must be done to complete reconciliation.  I am not saying that forgiveness is easy or quick, however, we must be working toward forgiveness if we are to fully reconcile conflict with our spouse. We can bring glory to the Lord if we address our conflict in a biblical way!

For more on communication in marriage check out the Families for Life podcast Marriage series at oakhillbc.org/f4l