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Family Ministry Moments - January 2024

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Can you really change?  New Year’s is a time of reflection.  We think about what we dislike about ourselves and what we need to change.  Often those changes revolve around bad habits.  The top resolutions according to a Forbes article are: improved fitness, improved finances, improved mental health, lose weight, and improved diet.  In the past I have also seen people resolve to drink less, meet certain career goals, travel more, and be more spiritual. What do all these resolutions have in common?  They all have to do with change.  

The desire to change and improve is a uniquely human experience. I believe that this desire is fueled from deep within our souls.  Even if we refuse to acknowledge it, people know they are flawed.  They know they are imperfect and in need of something better.  Christians know this to be true because the Bible reveals the truth to us. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:23.  God is the standard of perfection.  He is just, righteous, and holy.  Since this is the case and we are His creation, created in His image, I believe there is an innate desire to be better.  We want to overcome this sin-sick world and be perfect.  This is why we have a desire to change.

The question remains: can we change?  The pessimist says that we cannot change, that people virtually remain the same and that change is temporary.  The optimist says that change is surely possible provided one is willing to work for it.  What does the Bible say on the subject?  The Bible is a proponent of transformative change through the power of the gospel.  “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.  The old has passed away; behold, the new has come” 2 Corinthians 5:17In Christ we can change; we go from dead to alive, from sinful to righteous.  This is the only true and lasting change.

This is the change that I have experienced in my own life, as I reflect on my life before Christ and realize how much I ran from God.  I also realize how offensive my sin was to God.  This is not to say that I still don’t struggle with sin despite being freed from it.  The battle with the flesh continues to rage even for the new creation.  This is why we need to continue in our transformation of becoming like Christ.  The work of sanctification (becoming like Christ) is not completed until we go to be with the Lord.  Christians should be people that believe in change and strive to develop throughout our lives. 

The way we change, however, is not through trying, but rather through faith driven surrender.  We must continue to strive for greater and greater faith.  Jesus continually challenged His followers to have faith. “Have faith in God. Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him.” Mark 11:22-23Notice that Jesus tells us to have faith in God.  Faith in ourselves gets us nowhere, only faith in God means anything.

The beginning of true change starts with faith and continues as we surrender daily to the Lord.  There is no amount of trying that is going to bring us lasting change, it is only when we stop trying and start surrendering, we truly find hope. “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2. When we submit to the Lord we can be transformed.

This new year, take time to reflect on where you are personally, physically, and spiritually.  It is a great time for self-assessment and, as you reflect, remember to take your deficiencies to the Lord.  God cares about all the concerns in your heart.  Whatever you are struggling with, ask God to help you.  With faith driven surrender to the Lord we can change to become more like Christ!

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Family Ministry Moments - December 2023

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Recently I was discussing parenting with another father.  We lamented that parenting is difficult with children of any age, especially when it comes to discipline.  Children need discipline.  It must be measured, biblical, and consistent.  What happens when our discipline seems like it is failing? Sometimes it seems like nothing we do gets through to our children.  Some children can be punished in all kinds of ways, and it doesn’t even phase them.  What is a parent to do? 

As I said, we must remain consistent.  One of the worst things a parent can do when raising children is to become erratic or overly emotional in discipline.  Children need to know what is expected, then if they disobey, they must be punished.  I am sure that no parent likes punishing their child.  It is certainly not something I like to do; however, as a parent that seeks to honor the Lord, I must consistently discipline my children.

We must also commit ourselves to prayer.  There is a temptation to make parenting all about behavior modification.  We want our children to act right so we focus on their actions rather than their motives.  What we should be focusing on is their heart.  There are things a parent can do to help direct our child’s heart but ultimately the Lord is the one who changes the heart.  That means we must commit ourselves to pray for our children.  When you are at the end of your rope, when you don’t know what to do, or when discipline doesn’t seem to work - pray!

When all else fails, we must remember to operate in gospel love.  The way God loves us is how we need to love our children.  In the Jesus Storybook Bible God’s love is described as “Never-Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love.”  This is a fantastic way to define God’s love for us.  This is the essence of the gospel.  God loves us and refuses to give up on us, that is why He sent Jesus to pay the penalty for sin so that our relationship with Him could be restored.  This is the love of our heavenly father.  This is the love that parents need to emulate.

I remember a particularly challenging season with one of my children.  It seemed like we were always butting heads and discipline didn’t seem to work.  At one point I looked at them and told them, “I love you and I’m not going anywhere”.  I had to remind them that my love is not based on their behavior.  My love for them is unconditional.  From time to time our kids need to be reminded that we love them regardless of their behavior.  We need to tell them, even though our love is imperfect, we want to love them like God loves us– with a never-stopping, never giving up, unbreaking, always and forever love.

This is what gospel parenting looks like.  We go after the heart of our child in the same way that God goes after our heart.  Children are in as much need of a savior as we are.  They are also in need of discipleship as well.  We must remember to teach them the gospel repeatedly! But we cannot force them to follow Jesus.  We pray that God would call them to salvation, but even as we are waiting for them to believe in Jesus, we must disciple them.  We must teach them to follow Jesus, not just to obey for obedience’s sake. Rather we obey because Jesus loves us, and we love Jesus. 

My encouragement to parents is to be patient.  Parenting is hard at any stage.  I see parents with young children struggle as their babies exhaust them.  I see parents of toddlers struggle as these tiny humans exert their sinful will.  Older children will struggle with more complex emotions, which makes parenting hard.  Teens will struggle as they want to grow up way too fast.  All of it is hard, however all of it is joyous.  Raising our children is worth it, every struggle is worth it.  God doesn’t give up on us and we must not give up on our children.  If you feel lost as a parent, turn to the Lord, He will give you what you need.

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

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